A doctor friend of ours said to me afterwards, “God only allows His children to go through so much.” While I regret that Doug left us far too early, I’m confident that His healing came in heaven. Miss you, Doug! As I grieve the loss of another loved one, I realize again how nothing prepares us to deal with death. However, we do have the incredible opportunity to draw near to “The Comforter”, another name of the Holy Spirit (John 16:7), and receive supernatural help and care for our deepest of needs. Only this heavenly support from a God whose name is Love, and is available 24/7, gives me power to move forward, along with the hope of being reunited one day. I found this poem recently, which I wrote on Doug's birthday in 2020. I worked on it some more and came up with this. Thank you for reading! Please share any thoughts in the comments.
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 My Mom, Mary Anne, 25 holding me with my brothers My dear mother, Mary Anne Jakubowski, passed away in 2018. Since then, in pouring my grieving heart out to God, I’ve discovered this amazing truth. God has all the attributes of an awesome mother! Maybe that’s why the movie “The Shack” is one of my all-time favorites. It shows the character of “God” as a female mother-type. Growing up, though I loved my Dad, I felt much more emotionally connected to Mom, perhaps because we were alike in many ways-- both introspective, creative, and reserved. We were very close and until my husband, whom I met in my forties, I considered her my best friend. Although if I’m honest, she did much more listening, giving, and supporting of me than I did of her. When I say that my whole universe shifted when she left this earth to go to heaven, I am not exaggerating. It still seems impossible that she’s ’unavailable’. Sometimes I’ll see someone that reminds me of her, and startled, I’ll want to reach out and hug her or talk with them, and sometimes do. I have the feeling like she' right there, I just can't see her. If I spend too much time dwelling on missing her or I’ll fall into a pit of despair. BUT, knowing she’s alive in heaven and living her best life IS my great consolation, and the rock of hope I rest on. Because I know she’s experiencing His love, and is flying around (she always dreamed of flying) with no disabilities, a healed, whole heart, smiling, laughing, and having the time of her life with her dad she never knew, her mom, my Dad and brother, and so many more. This reality is what I must focus on now, not just for survival, but because it IS the perfect and amazing truth. The following scriptures resonate with me more deeply. Isaiah 66:13 says, “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” The very God who gave Mom her delightful attributes possesses them Himself! Similarly, Isaiah 49:15 asks, “Can a mother forget the nursing child she has borne, or the love she has given to the child of her womb?” Though my earthly mother’s not here, my heavenly One is, and again offers way more motherly love and resources than I could ever return. Mom was my biggest cheerleader, always encouraging and supporting, giving so generously, always happy to see me. Hers is always the first and most beautiful face I will ever know, with those eyes of love and her gentle, steadfast, consistent compassion, delightful sense of humor, and fierce protection. Mom went above and beyond to provide everything she could for me and my brothers. It’s amazing to realize that God not only possesses those same motherly qualities, but is the author and creator of that love that HE put in our mothers for us. And for those who didn’t have a loving mother, God who restores all things, can be that mother to you. With God, every day is Mother’s Day! I also know, like me, she was a flawed and imperfect human being. How much more does God, who IS Love, display the deep, immaculate love and heart of a mother, the perfect Mom. Let’s pray: Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you that you also possess all the attributes of a loving motherl. Help me use my imagination to see you loving me like this. I ask you to help me overcome fears of approaching you, and see your love for me as unconditional and fierce. Your love for me is so much greater than I could ever reciprocate. What a fathomless gift! Thank you demonstrating your great love for me by giving your Son Jesus to bear the punishment for my in on the cross, so we are one now forever. Nothing can ever separate me from your love! (And if your Mom is in heaven…) Please give my Mom a big hug for me, tell her I love her and miss her, and can’t wait to see her again!!  Mom and me about 30 years later, 1990s 
I recently started writing devotionals. If you'd like a word of spiritual encouragement, please read on! The Most Wonderful Time of the Year? Yes, and no. Yes, celebrating the birth of our King of King and Lord of Lords-- the magnificent Lord Jesus Christ, who redeems our lives from sin and death. No, because we live in a fallen world with not-so-picture-perfect relationships and circumstances, and a mixed bag of experiences. Things seem to be amplified around the holidays. Especially when gathering with family, we have good memories and sad ones, victories and difficulties, surprises and disappointments. We’re living in a dark world, much like at the time of Jesus’ birth in the town of Bethlehem. As the lyrics of the song O Come O Come Emmanuel suggest, the Israelites were looking for a powerful, conquering King to save them, and the mystery of the Son of God being born in modest circumstances and living the life of a human was utterly unbelievable. What about our circumstances today? I used to think I was an oddball— the rare one who dealt with multiple family losses (through death, divorce in my family, or estrangement). Now, I’m finding many friends are also dealing with the unexpected loss of their loved ones as well. Some losses are more traumatic than others, but all require some type of energy and support to process through. Nothing ever prepares us to deal with death; It’s a thief and foreign to us, probably because when God created us we were never meant to die. Lest this blog post send you in a downward spiral, I wanted to make the point that it is in the very darkness that the Light-- Jesus Himself-- shines brightest, and with Him there is always hope (I Timothy 1:1). It’s in our valleys that we can become more acquainted with Jesus, the Lily of the Valley (Song of Solomon 2:1), as He seeks to draw us to Himself with his fragrant love. After numerous tragic losses, I came to find and cherish many references that refer to God as a perfect father, mother, brother, and sister (as well as best friend and bridegroom)! As the great I AM, He is all about relationships, always drawing us close to receive and experience everything He has for us. I'm glad we have forever to get to know Him! Somehow God promises to work all things together for good, even in our darkest times. One of my favorite names of God is the Holy Spirit referred to as “The Comforter” (John 14:26). Wow - a Holy Comforter! Imagine being wrapped in holy comfort! Another favorite scripture is “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 24:18. We have the promise of his nearness always, even when we’re crushed. God isn’t put off by our breakdowns or neediness, but rather He longs for us to receive and experience the overflowing goodness of His shalom (completeness, wholeness, welfare, prosperity, peace), that His Son, Jesus, died to give us. Let’s pray: Lord Jesus, Prince of Peace, reveal yourself to me. I invite you into my heart and ask you to fill me afresh with your presence and goodness. Thank you that your shed blood cleanses me from all sin. In the midst of my tragic circumstances, I receive a holy Comforter hug. Thank you that you wrap me in your arms of love and meet me exactly where I am, especially when I’m hurting. Help me trust that You have a miracle for me. Amen! Thank you that you're working miracles in our dark times, Lord. Believing wonderful things are coming your way in 2025!  If you're interested in receiving daily inspiration in your Inbox, click here!
 We were deeply touched by this beautiful film and thought you might enjoy it. Shalom!  Purr-Tater does NOT like to be covered up, ever. I walked in on this last week realized I was witnessing a Thanksgiving miracle, LOL! :-) Wishing you and your loved ones a blessed and cozy Thanksgiving weekend!  "To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant,
to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." Johannas A. Gaertner German-American art historian, educator, writer, poet  In last year or so, one client acquired three of my digital paintings for his corporate office in Shelton, CT. With each piece, we discussed his color preferences, thoughts, and sizes. I then shared several design ideas with him, and he selected these! The goal was to come up with unique, yet harmonious and complimentary designs for his space. He opted for shiny metal prints, which have a modern, glossy, glass-like finish. I’m so happy to hear that he LOVES them and his clients and co-workers are stunned by the pop of color when they walk in his office! The selections he chose are below. (Note- This office image is for illustration purposes only, courtesy of Pixabay. Artwork is mine).  "Colored Waters" - 17" x 40", metal print  "Blue Depths" - 17" x 40"  "Complex Blues" - 26" x 26" Please contact me to discuss if my artwork may be a good choice
for your corporate space, office, or home! 302-293-2320  Evan on Melbourne Beach, FL (with HDR), July 2022 • Celebrating our 15-year anniversary
NOVEMBER After 6 1/2 years of keeping them separate, we opened the borders between Mac-- our bunny, and Purr-Tater and Hobbs-- our cats. They both sneak in and out of their spaces so much, one day we decided to let them stay together and see what happened. We watched them for days, and pretty soon it became clear they all liked the arrangement! We'll continue to monitor, but so far so good-- They are non-stop entertainment!  Purr-Tater and Mac-- friends at last!
 Mac and Hobbs aren't as cozy, but they have an understanding, lol DECEMBER I'm fortunate to be a part of an amazing small group of local artists, The Springboarders. We had a show this month at the Glen Rock Public Library in Glen Rock, NJ. It was my first in-person show since 2019, and great to be showing work with these other fabulous artists and friends! I've been developing a studio habit and have enjoyed more studio time this past year than any other year. We plan to have another, larger show at The Stable Art Gallery in Ridgewood, NJ next November. Stay tuned.. :-) (Not pictured Joy Yoo.)
 Artist Jennifer Merz  Me holding glossy metal print, "Land of Milk and Honey" [Reminiscing Throwback!] New Year's Eve 2021 is the 15th Anniversary of Evan's proposal and our engagement. Here's a photo of us young-uns back on New Year's Day 2007!  Lastly, I wanted to share a daily email resource that I LOVE. Morgan Harper Nichols is an incredibly gifted singer/songwriter/poet/artist/writer. She's inspiring in so many ways and her words encourage me daily! You can receive her material through her app (Storyteller). That's how I began receiving her "daily reminders". Or if you'd like to subscribe to her email list, you can send it to yourself by clicking here.  A portion of one of Morgan's "Daily Reminder" emails Thanks for reading my blog!
Any big plans for 2022? Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy New Year! :-) In spite of the difficulties, stress and sometimes tragedies many of us experienced this past year, some unbelievably good things happened, too. Time spent with family, loved ones, and friends—whether in person or online—was a lifeline to joy. Maybe it took time apart to see how much we really need each other--different experiences, viewpoints, opinions, and everything... More than ever, I'm thankful for those who love us. Here are some other highlights:  Evan recovering with his sidekick, Mac FEBRUARY As some of you know, on February 18th, Evan dislocated his knee several times that day after slipping on some ice that was hidden by snow. He has made incredible progress while still continuing in physical therapy. His knee continues to grow stronger and we're hopeful for a full recovery in 2022. Thank you for your prayers! MAY There's a swamp in our backyard and in May for the last several years Evan has seen turtle egg nests destroyed by scavengers (raccoons, etc.) We've never seen the turtles actually laying their eggs, but this year we did! (There are two laying eggs in the photo below.)   Evan decided he was going try to save the eggs this year. We did some research, and he set about building a 'fortress' to protect them while they incubated.    SEPTEMBER After spending several days getting their protection just right, Evan started calling himself a "turtle farmer"! We read that it takes around 80 days for the eggs to hatch, so around August 14th we started checking the nests several times a day. Evan saw our first hatchling while checking the farm on the evening of Sept. 11 during a torrential storm. We couldn't believe that one was hatching, let alone during the middle of a storm! The next day several more hatched, which is when these photos and videos were taken.   These little guys have an internal drive that propels them to find the water  Just for point of reference, here's an adult (taken during the summer in our backyard) Needless to say, we were thrilled. Evan's hard work really paid off! He has plans to continue the farm next year. NOVEMBER I was honored to be a bridesmaid in my good friend, Quazonia's wedding to Richard Scott in November. We met at church while I lived in Delaware back in the 1990s. It was just awesome to re-connect several days over the course of the month and be part of their special day! So happy for Quazonia and Richard!
Wishing you and your families a wonderful Christmas week and celebration of Jesus' birth. May you experience the wonders of His love! "Our Year In Photos, Part 2" coming soon. :-)
 My dad took this picture in 1965 on a visit to his sister Dorothy's home in Erie, Pennsylvania
That's my brother Doug giving me a smooch! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DOUG!!! xo xo |
WELCOME to my blog! This a collection of photos, art, poems, thoughts, and other stuff on my creative journey since 2010.
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