Happy Birthday in Heaven, brother Doug & Poem

"But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away;
for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor--
​Counselor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you;
but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you
[to be in close fellowship with you.]"
​John 16:7 AMP

Today is my older brother Doug’s birthday. Had he lived, he’d be 62 today. Tragically he passed away at age 49 due to complications from untreated alcoholism. He’s in heaven now celebrating with my mom and dad. I miss my peaceful, laid back, big-hearted brother and am surely looking forward to catching up with him in heaven. I can’t wait to see his young, happy, smiling face. Free forever from the addiction that twisted his personality and stole his life and relationships with his family and friends.

Doug was once an extremely smart and successful electrical engineer, former high school lacrosse and football player, a kind, easygoing brother, son, friend, and animal lover. He was also very generous. Early in my graphics career, when I had little spending money working for the church, Doug offered me hundreds of dollars to pay for art supplies. I was shocked and honored by his kind support.

The year before he passed, he fell inside his home and suffered a life-threatening traumatic brain injury. One of the light spots on this sad and dark journey was that while he was hospitalized and ICU doctors were still trying to figure out how to relieve the pressure in his skull, his personality reverted to that of his younger child-self. I recognized my gentle and carefree brother. While I was there visiting and taking care of his home, he called me many times from his hospital bed (before his cellphone ‘disappeared’). One time he eagerly asked if I could help him get a dog when he was released. He sounded so excited about it, I’m pretty sure I said, “Sure.”  In that moment I got a glimpse into the boy inside, the boy that God loved and was taking care of, while his mind and body were struggling with the horrors of addiction and trauma. Thankfully, Doug  recovered from the TBI and regained normal consciousness, yet decided not to continue with rehab or address recovery. Stricken when I heard the news of his death, one of my first thoughts was, “Doug has his dog now.”  ​

Doug in high school, 1980

Baby Doug, Mom and John (Easter) 1964

Mom, Doug and me (Easter 1970)

A doctor friend of ours said to me afterwards, “God only allows His children to go through so much.” While I regret that Doug left us far too early, I’m confident that His healing came in heaven. Miss you, Doug!

As I grieve the loss of another loved one, I realize again how nothing prepares us to deal with death. However, we do have the incredible opportunity to draw near to “The Comforter”, another name of the Holy Spirit (John 16:7), and receive supernatural help and care for our deepest of needs. Only this heavenly support from a God whose name is Love, and is available 24/7, gives me power to move forward, along with the hope of being reunited one day.

I found this poem recently, which I wrote on Doug's birthday in 2020. I worked on it some more and came up with this. Thank you for reading! Please share any thoughts in the comments.

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​Your Love is My Miracle
 
I bring you all my sorrows
I bring you all my pain
I cling to you, dear Jesus
Make me whole again
 
The good things you have planned
Are not so far away
I step in now, Lord Jesus
To receive from You today
 
A love I’ve always wanted
A peace I’ve never known
Sweet, tender-loving Jesus
Make my heart your home
 
Nothing can separate me
From your promises divine
No man can steal this confidence
Your perfect love is mine
 
You’re my song in the daytime
And all through the night
All fear’s crushed by your whisper, 
“In you do I delight.”
 
This miracle of love I cherish
You who make all things new
Draw me ever nearer
To hide myself in You
 
Your strong arms hold me close
Yet free to dance and sing
You will never fail me
Beloved King of Kings
 
On higher, and stronger
And freer, and sound
My walk with you, my journey
Your Word the precious ground
 
But when the burden is heavy
And when the sorrow hangs low
Remind me precious Savior
I have a place to go
 
You take all my sorrows
You carry all my pains
Hold me close, dear Jesus
And make me whole again